The Laws of the Powells

We are all governed by a set of laws – some legal, such as no jaywalking, some scientific, such as gravity, and some cultural, such as not letting your kids go to USC.

Also – recently, we learned the Law of the Tides – took nearly two hours for the waters to rise enough to move the boat.

Well, over the years, the Powells have noticed a few other laws at work.

The Law of Conservation of Hair:

Similar to other scientific laws, like the Law of Conservation of Mass or Energy, this law states hair is neither created nor destroyed – only repositioned.  The number of hair follicles you have post-puberty never changes – it just migrates.

Take most men, including myself, for example – as the hair on our head decreases, it suddenly begins to appear in other places – the back, the chest, the ears.

The Unalienable Right to Pick Your Nose:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

This law says you shall not be kept from picking your nose.  We know this to be true in that we have never met someone who is unable to pick their nose.  Think about it – the smallest of noses go hand in hand with the smallest of first fingers.  The petite girl with the tiny nose always has tiny hands and the largest of men with huge hands also have monstrosities for snouts.

Just think about it.

Powell’s Theory of Parking:

Powell’s Theory of Parking has yet to make it to Law status because we have not been able to determine the final parameters for when this theory works and when it doesn’t…

This theory says that if you pass up an open parking space in favor of searching for a better one, you will no doubt not find one, but after parking further away, be forced to walk past an open space much closer than the one you first forfeited.

The Law of Saturdays:

The Law of Saturdays states on your one day to sleep in, you will invariably be woken at the crack of dawn by something – usually kids. One the rare occasion the kids are still sleeping, you will be awoken by lawn mowers, dogs, birds, or the need to go to the bathroom. All will result in you thinking the day should be over by 4:00 pm.

The Law of Lines:

The Law of Lines states you will be behind someone in line that totally disgusts you. The most common occurrences are found at amusement parks and grocery stores. For the Powells, it is typically teenage PDA or loud cell phone talker.

Other theories and laws not fully vetted:

  • Law of Date Night (states that on a night without children, you will be exposed to kids at every stop)
  • Law of Traffic (you WILL get stuck behind the school bus or a police officer when you are desperately late)
  • Law of Fire Alarms (as soon as you lose power, at least one fire alarm will beep incessantly until you are able to replace the battery)

Other theories and laws fully vetted and not required to be discussed:

  • Chicken Curse – ask any USC fan about Navy or the Citadel
  • Murphy’s Law
  • Law of Supply & Demand – even though gas prices may downgrade this to a Theory
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